Skip to main content

Posts

Writing all da Words - Onicia Updates - July 2018

Holy hotdog it is hot in Chicago -- like Caribbean hot! This is the summer of adulting; I'm using a coaster and choosing water over soda. Well, I'm not really a sugary drink person, but I try to get at least one when I go to parties. 
Last month, I reunited with my friend Woosung Alice in DC to attend IGNITE Caribbean's 30 Under 30 award ceremony. Virginia is so beautiful. I love the hills and greenery. Between enjoying Five Guys, ice cream, and cherry danishes, I managed to squeeze in a salad or three. Told y'all this was the summer of adulting. It's been about 10 (maybe 15) years since I'd been to America's capital. Funny enough, I choose to pajamas that I'd purchased during me previous DC trip. Yuh gyal still got it!
Lately, I've been freaking out about how much I need/want to do before summer ends. I write thoughts I want to meditate on my whiteboard. Andrew Peterson inspired the quote "be kind to yourself." When it feels like I'm…

What If This Stand-up Comedy Thing Fails? - Hey Onicia

Going out several times a night, fighting stage fright, memorizing and repeating bits is not the life for every funny person. Here's my list of 21 career ideas for failed comedians.
Hey Oniciais a series where I tap into my type-A side and answer questions from my friends about this starving artist life. If you find this helpful, share with your twitter homies or thank me with ice cream. Want to chat or collaborate? Holla at me!
Humour columnist. If your life filled with hilarious, true stories? Then, start dishing and make the world chuckle!Storyteller. Great at parties? Then this might be for you. You'll be on stage and you won't have to memorize (as much) because it's all true.Sitcom writer. Doing stand-up is a great way to develop your writer's or fictional character's point of view (POV). Instead of touring and slinging jokes in bars, you'll collaborate with writers to create the next hit sitcom.Advice columnist. The queries don't have to be real and…

Beware the PakRest - Just Being Funny

I’m not a picky eater. Since I spent most of my growing years eating healthy food, I feel like it’s my adult right to eat whatever I want – at least before I have kids and need to be a role model or whatever. However, it’s not that time. This is my time to wild out and eat whatever I want. What I want is a basic burger, fries, and ice cream combo. All day. Every day. Maybe switch it up with a doughnut or two.

Sometimes my friends convince me to try new things. I occasionally indulge them. Usually, my fears of dishes being too spicy or gagging on mud result in enjoyable experiences. 

We decided to check the Pakistani restaurant off the food bucket list. This was the real deal. People were eating with their hands, double-dipping, and adding secret herbs and sauces. They were going all in! The one white couple in the joint were eating with utensils. As the only black person there, I felt obligated to do my people proud and eat like the natives.

That. Butter chicken. Was. Bangin’! I rolled u…

Caribbean Gyal Inna Chicago - Onicia Updates - June 2018

Oh-ni-ni! What's my name?! Oh-ni-ni! What's my name?!

Spring. Summer. Whatever you call this beautiful, but brief season is when the Chicago sun comes out to bless a bish is finally here. June is also Caribbean American Heritage Month. At the year's midpoint, I am feeling myself. Why?

Firstly, my mommy is still alive and will be celebrating another birthday, God spare life. Actually, lots of awesome people celebrate their bday in June.

Secondly, we finally have a shooting date for Pre-Existing,a web series project I've been working on. Yup, don't talk about it, be about it! My lovely friend, Lissette Hall hooked me up with David Audio. This web series anthology, which is set in a doctor's waiting room, features stories by 14 Chicago screenwriters. My episode, which will be shot on June 15, is called Aluminum Coverage. I'm excited to reunite with Greg Callozzo (Oh Baby!) as well as collaborate with funny women in comedy Sandy Lee and Sonal Aggarwal.

Finally,…

How did you build your website? - Hey Onicia

What did you use to build your website?

This awesome question came to me hot at 8:30 am. Nonetheless let me answer your questions. Congrats! You’re choosing to build a website in this decade vs. say, the 90s when you actually had to know how to code like a gawd.

Hey Onicia is a series where I tap into my type-A side and answer questions from my friends about this starving artist life. If you find this helpful, share with your twitter homies or thank me with ice cream. Want to chat or collaborate? Holla at me!
Heads up: This post is different to other “how to start a blog/website” articles because I’m not about pushing expensive super-pro solutions just so I can earn a commission. Yes, making money requires spending money. However, your first time doing anything will be trial and error. Don’t go breaking bank without fully testing if this new online venture is for you.
I built my website (www.oniciamuller.com)  with Weebly. Psst, use my affiliate link for 10% discount.
Why I choose WeeblyA…

Smuggling contraband Sharon Stone style - Just Being Funny

“Why are we wasting time? There’s no point to all these new measures if gate security is just going to look at me -- and girls like me -- and not search us. You see pigtails, cute faces, and assume we’re not carrying drugs or weapons.”

I doubt anyone remembered my monolog, but it felt cool to say something that implied I was a bad girl while pointing out gender biases. 

My foray into smuggling was unintentional. One time during a morning check, security discovered a massive screwdriver in my bag. “Oh, I was doing an experiment in my yard. I must have forgotten it.” Without question, he returned the weapon -- because that’s what it could have been -- and sent me on my way.

“Why are your eyes red?” asked the guard.

“Because I went to bed with mascara on and now my eyes are irritated.” I was blunt and unconcerned. My excuse seemed legitimate, and he waved me into the campus. I was never selected for random drug testing. 

They interrupted a would-be uninspiring Economy class for a surprise sec…

Creative Growth - Onicia Update - May 2018

When I started this newsletter in January 2016, I used it to hold myself accountable. How can I call myself a writer if my words are never published? How do I call myself a performer if I never stand on a stage? How do I prove that I get ish done (am a successful project manager) if I don't produce receipts? Most importantly, how do I stay motivated if I never revisit past accomplishments?
May marks one year of consistently publishing my Onicia Updates (thanks, LT in the City). This month's letter features more published writings, cool creatives I fangirl for, and a few throwback portfolio items.
I'm not where I want to be, but I'm also not where I used to be.
That's all I gotta say today. Got something I should see or someone I should collaborate with? Email me or shout at me on Twitter. Upcoming Events Here where you might find me socializing and performing.
Feminist Prom - Rebellious Magazine May 19 at The Living Room The Skewer - Cafe Mustache June 6 Louder Than …

Too Many Ideas, Not Enough Time - Hey Onicia

“Do you ever have so many ideas for projects that you want to do all of simultaneously and so you end up feeling constantly overwhelmed but never doing any of them and what do you do to break out of that?”
Girl, you sound like someone who likes to talk about it but never be about it. Anyways, pull up close and let me drop some knowledge on you.
Hey Onicia is a series where I tap into my type-A side and answer questions from my friends about this starving artist life. If you find this helpful, share with your twitter homies or thank me with ice cream. Want to chat or collaborate? Holla at me!
So, you want to do all the things but end up doing none of the things? My solution is simple: pick one thing, set a deadline to revisit the others (1 year), and then just start.
Das it? Yup, das it!
Think about it. Your life is okay without doing any of these things right now. So, just pick one. You can always do the others later. Trust me. I have commitment issues. I’m also very ambitious. I know th…