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Where to Write When You’re Cheap and Broke? - Hey Onicia

My friend Annamarie from Dutch Alien Lands in the U.S. asked “where do you go to write? Or do you stay at home? It might have to do with the fact that we just moved, but I have to get a story off my chest and I can't seem to start at home. Is there a secret writer’s hotel or something?” Here’s what I told her about where to write when you’re cheap and broke.
Hey Onicia is a series where I tap into my type-A side and answer questions from my friends about this starving artist life. If you find this helpful, share with your twitter homies or thank me with ice cream. Want to chat or collaborate? Holla at me!
My sisters often encourage me to spend money on annual celebrations like holidays and birthdays because I work so hard and need to relax. My reply: spending money stresses me out. Staying at home doing nothing relaxes me. 
Write at a coffee shop or bookstore? How does one write under the constant pressure to spend money? During any given workday I drink 3-5 cups of tea. Who is payin…

Creating Art I Love - Onicia Updates - February 2018

"You like me! You really like me!" Last month y'all made me feel like Sally Field at the Academy Awards. I asked to collaborate and y'all put me to work. I'll keep this brief because this month's update is super packed.
That's all I gotta say today. Keep recommending people I should collaborate with! Email me or shout at me on Twitter.

Upcoming EventsA Lill Annoyance Stand-Up Show (The Annoyance)
Stand-up Comedy
February 17, 2018

Feminist Happy Hour (Beauty Bar)
Stand-up comedy
March 14, 2018

This One Woman (Hopleaf Bar)
Storytelling
March 26, 2018
Published WritingsSucker's Garden It's finally here! My Caribbean audio drama that I co-wote and co-produced with Kimberly Meyers. It features voice talent by D.A. Robin, Adrienne Brandyburg, Kyle Patrick, Ty Riggs, James Gordon, and Ramiro Lynch. We also got press mentions in Caribbean Times721NewsSMN-NewsRobin MultimediaIsland VibezSXM Talks, and Pretty Witty.



JBF: Crappy Gameshows and Fake Hypnotists (…

How to Afford Hired Help When You’re Still A Struggling Artist? - Hey Onicia

In an interview with 2 and A Bottle,they asked how I afforded to hire an assistant for creative ventures. I am pro paying people for their work because artists die from exposure; ‘likes’ and retweets do not pay the bills. Here’s how I’m able to pay people even though I’m still in that struggling artist phase.
Hey Oniciais a series where I tap into my type-A side and answer questions from my friends about this starving artist life. If you find this helpful, share with your twitter homies or thank me with ice cream. Want to chat or collaborate? Holla at me!
First off, major side eye to people who blow mad cash on taxi rides, Beyonce concerts, and fast fashion while begging for free labor. Seriously, offering me five bucks so I can buy a pint of ice cream for things I do to pay the bills is less insulting than demanding it for free.
Save up and pay full rateI wish everyone could get their asking price. If you can afford it, pay it. You can’t build a business on free-99 services; you’ll even…

Fangirl Goals and World Domination Plans - Onicia Update - January 2018

Welcome to 2018! Thanks for faithfully reading my Onicia Updates and for encouraging me on this journey towards world domination. Wait. What? Oh, yeah. I grew up on Spice Girls, girl power, and all the Disney princesses; ruling the world was always the end goal.

Now that you're up to speed, I'd like to reveal my plans for 2018. This year, I would like to collaborate more. There's an African proverb that says “If you want to go fast, go alone. If you want to go far, go together.” I want to go far! To do that, I'm kindly asking you to show me all the funny, inspirational, dedicated, unique, community-minded people. Whether for entertainment, education, or professional connections, I just want to meet more interesting people.

This month, I have a few shows coming up, The Stoop is back, and I wrote some cool articles last month. Also, I added a new feature to my newsletter. Check out these 10 things I'm fangirlin' for.

So, will you help me go far and achieve world…

Shiesty Currency Exchange Scam - Just Being Funny

It was a moderately chilly day. After an hour of chatting on the phone with my friend, I needed a snack. On my way to Dunkin’ Donut, I found a quarter. Yes, twenty-five unearned pennies. Thanks universe for free money! I didn’t deserve it. I didn’t need it. Still, I happily accepted it.

“Miss, you got change?” Dude, it’s 9 am on a Sunday. Shouldn’t you be in church trying to get your life together instead of harassing me? Without looking back, I mumble off the standard rejection. He tried again. “I’m sorry. I meant. Can you change this money?” 



Lord, why do I keep entertaining these conmen? In hindsight, incidents like hugging and almost kissing a hobo is pretty hilarious. It’s never funny at the moment – only in hindsight. Before could utter another brush off, I came face-to-face with the most striking blue eyes on a black man.

I pieced together that he wanted a dollar bill in exchange for some coins. I assumed he needed bills for the bus ticketing machines. While I waited for him to ha…

A Gospel Music Battle - Just Being Funny

I have a love-hate relationship with public transportation. I love it because it's an opportunity for me to go outside without actually being outside. People watching is great for story inspiration and dialog development. What I hate about public transportation? People putting their feet on the seats, those who leave their trash behind, and those with questionable hygiene. This one bus near my home in Chicago is consistently a rough ride; ish is always going down. This is not just some delicate Chicago transplant's opinion. My born-and-bred Chicago friend posted, "If you ever want to lose a little faith in humanity, take the [omitted] bus going in any direction. #YouPeopleNeedJesus #WTH."
Between that post and the night in question, another Chicago friend shared how she disliked people who played music using their phone speakers instead of earbuds. I commented, "Yeah, that's so annoying. The next time someone does that, I'm going to challenge them by play…

Mexican Yoghurt Thief - Just Being Funny

“Yes, I hope she choke on it.”
Serving a ten-year prison sentence in Mexico was not the way I envisioned celebrating my twenty-third birthday. God, please don’t let my life become the sequel to Brokedown Palace.
It wasn’t my choice to live in a 20-bed hostel, but after witnessing the Euro’s spending power, I’d definitely do it again. Weekly manicures and triple-scoop ice cream desserts -- we were the queens of Monterrey. No longer afraid of contracting Bird Flu or being taken by the Mexican cartel, my only concern was passing Spanish 101 and making out with a hot cabana boy. Unfortunately instead Stella in How Stella Got Her Groove Back, I became the lead detective in my own Nancy Drew-type novel: Onicia Drew and the Case of the Mexican Yoghurt Thief.
As hostel life goes, we were limited to one shelf in the shared refrigerator. Every week, I bought a specific amount of yogurts to meet my breakfast dairy needs. When I found myself short a few yogurts, I had to collect my proverbial balls …