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Doing Coke on the Bus - Just Being Funny

The shenanigans of everyday public transportation never cease to amaze me. I thought the reckless driving of Mexican bus red drivers was the most exciting thing ever. I thought the train jumping of suicidal Dutchman was the most annoying thing. However, Chicago riders take the cake.


We're on our way to the south side for some authentic Chicago barbecue when a mad driver in a minivan rear-ends the bus. Instead of stopping, they then squeeze between us and the parked cars. This is their rubbish attempt at getting away from whatever was chasing them. Recognizing that we were in fact on our way to Chicago's south side, instinctively duck below the windows. I open my eyes to see my travel companion sitting upright with their face pressed against the glass. “What are you doing?” I asked.
“I want to know what happened.”

Dread, this was not the time to be a mocco neighbor. Chicago is not a war zone but it was very likely that shower of bullets could follow. The minivan’s reckless driving indicated that they were not transporting a pregnant woman to a hospital. 

I'm not sure if this was the same day, but I remember on the same bus ride driving in the opposite direction that the following shenanigan went down. We're riding the bus when two dudes in thick winter coats board the bus. Let's ignore the fact that it was well into spring and highly unnecessary for them to be dressed that way at two o'clock in the afternoon. No judgment. An old lady with coke-bottle glasses pulling a cart enters. They assist her. See, good thing I wasn't judging because these guys were looking out for their nerdy elderly friend.

“Yo, Esther. You got a dollar?” Sigh. Were they hustling this socially awkward lady in exchange for some circumstantial companionship? The dude with long hair rummages in his backpack. He rants about DCFS taking his children away.  While he understands that he has some personal issues, he believes that they have his situation all wrong. He declares that he's working to get himself 'straight.' 

“I'm going to get clean, Esther. I want to get clean so that I can have my kids ‘cause their momma ain’t [expletive]”. 

Everybody drinks a little -- smokes a little. Not me, but you know ‘everybody.' Trying not to stare but wanting to continue following the conversation, I look out my window to see his reflection. He retrieves a small snuff tube, taps a little some-some onto the back of his hand. Then he uses Esther's rolled up dollar bill to snort said substance! What is going on?! Esther and his companion are totally unfazed. In fact, Esther offers both men pills. 

I need a better view. I use my peripheral vision. He continues rambling about his do-nothing baby mama. What about you? I thought. How he talking 'bout getting clean while getting high on the bus?! 

For real, I need to quit this public transport life. Shout out to the parents who got clean and stayed clean for the kids. 

What would you do? Tweet me using #JBFxOnicia

Created on St. Maarten. Based in Chicago. Onicia Muller (@OniciaMuller) writes, says funny things, and enjoys hanging with creative minds. Originally published in The Daily Herald's Weekender, Just Being Funny is a weekly reflection where Onicia laughs at life

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