Skip to main content

Joanne the Scammer and the Unpaid Intern - Just Being Funny

Cold sweats, shakes, delusions, and diarrhea. I'd surpassed the “I'm so sick I should see a doctor regardless of the copay” phase and was now in the “here's my computer password; call my mom if I die” phase. I’d lost seven pounds through running to the bathroom to clear my colon. On day fourteen of what I was sure was a modern strain of the Black Death (Dramatic. I know!) when my internship boss called. 

Apparently, she thought my two weeks’ notice was contingent on me finding a replacement. It wasn’t. After eight months of unpaid laboring, I decided to move on. Finding a replacement was my parting gift. It wasn’t my fault, nor my problem, that Rebecca the unreliable Canadian was, well, unreliable.

Short of breath and borderline delirious, I explained that even if I wanted to, I couldn’t help because I was seriously unwell. Faster than it took me to put my arms under the covers and roll on my side, my roommate’s phone rang. 

Mumbling. Chucking. Pacing. There’s a knock on my door. “Sheisty artistic director just called, and she wants to pay me $20 to man the box office.” That day I was too sick to care or understand. However, when I was healed -- when I was able to comprehend the levels of betrayal. I’ll say this: hell hath no fury like a loyal slave scorned.

Like where you find the nerve to demand an educated immigrant’s sweat and blood and then turn around and offer pay to my roommate. Yo, had I said ‘yes’, she would have had me out there working for free ninety-nine. Lesson: know your worth!

Check a scene. I accepted the internship because the Ms. Sheisty McSheisterson assured me that when her funding came in, she would hire me to work at the theater. My roommate had interned there the summer before. It seemed like a good opportunity to get up to speed and whatnot.

Worse than not earning a red cent was the fact that this internship cost me money. I spent money on bus passes and lunches. Worst of all, Joanne the Scammer charged my friend thirty dollars to see her dusty, raggedy, gouge-my-eyes-it’s-bad teen playwright showcase. I was a volunteer and she couldn’t give my friend one comp?

I couldn’t even get good “exposure” because she misspelled my name in the playbill! Dread!!! After the showcase, I lamented about having to get the train at ten pm. The other intern said that they got paid ten bucks for the night. What is a Masters degree if you can’t even earn ten dollars?!

Two months later, the roommate started working part-time at the theater. She earned a grand a month for work I’d done for free. WOW, somebody call Charlamagne Tha God so I can be crowned Donkey of the Day.

Well played, sheisty Artistic Director. I’ll never get those eight months back. I guess me being shortlisted for the soon-to-be funded theater admin job was not contingent on me submitting myself to first-world slavery. After all, my immigration issues weren't your fault, not your problem. 

Shout out to the employers who pay their interns.

What would you do? Tweet me using #JBFxOnicia

Created on St. Maarten. Based in Chicago. Onicia Muller (@OniciaMuller) writes, says funny things, and enjoys hanging with creative minds. Originally published in The Daily Herald's Weekender, Just Being Funny is a weekly reflection where Onicia laughs at life

Want more funny? Subscribe. Buy me ice cream. Share.

Popular posts from this blog

True Stories and Faithful Friends - Onicia Updates - August 2018

Aight, so what have I been up to? Oh you know, just the usual: slapping words together and creating dope art with cool people. Last month we filmed my episode of Pre-Existing. I'm so thankful that Lissette was there to direct. Lissette works well under pressure and she's was so amazing and reading my mood and redirecting my energy. Bruh, with friends like these.
I also said goodbye to a dear Chicago friend. This month's ENTIRE Fangirlin' section is dedicated the talented Ms. Candice Lola <3

Shout out my fabulous collaborators: David Audino (executive producer/cinematographer), Lissette Hall (producer/director/cheerleader), Sandy Lee (actor), Sonal Aggarwal (actor), Greg Callozzo (actor), Kyle Hendrix (production assistant), Ashley Connell (on-set producer), and Nick Torres (production assitant/cheerleader).
That's all I gotta say today. Got something I should see or someone I should collaborate with? Email me or shout at me on Twitter. Upcoming EventsThe Kates …

Writing all da Words - Onicia Updates - July 2018

Holy hotdog it is hot in Chicago -- like Caribbean hot! This is the summer of adulting; I'm using a coaster and choosing water over soda. Well, I'm not really a sugary drink person, but I try to get at least one when I go to parties. 
Last month, I reunited with my friend Alicia Music in DC to attend IGNITE Caribbean's 30 Under 30 award ceremony. Virginia is so beautiful. I love the hills and greenery. Between enjoying Five Guys, ice cream, and cherry danishes, I managed to squeeze in a salad or three. Told y'all this was the summer of adulting. It's been about 10 (maybe 15) years since I'd been to America's capital. Funny enough, I choose to pajamas that I'd purchased during me previous DC trip. Yuh gyal still got it!
Lately, I've been freaking out about how much I need/want to do before summer ends. I write thoughts I want to meditate on my whiteboard. Andrew Peterson inspired the quote "be kind to yourself." When it feels like I'm …

Unashamed Fangirl - Onicia Updates - October 2018

Newsletters don't always have to be exclusively about me. October is dedicated to Shouting out friends and their new projects. That's all I gotta say today. Got something I should see or someone I should collaborate with? Email me or shout at me on Twitter.
Fangirlin' Just a few of my friends who create dope ish.

Spicy Chicken Sandwich - Monthly Comedy Show
October 18 (and Every third Thursday) at Under the Gun Theater at 8 PM. Tickets: $5
A very weird, very cool monthly comedy/variety show featuring stand-up, sketches, characters, multimedia presentations, and more! Every show features a new spicy chicken from a local restaurant, for no reason at all. Produced by Robert Flanagan, Chad Weaver, Lucia Whalen, Lily Schulder, and Lyn-Z Harney.

Men who break their own hearts (Candice Lola)
Excuse me, kind miss, but may I lean on you for the payment of my company on your walk?
And because she was taught to be gracious, she allowed it. They walked along the path, making small talk a…