Skip to main content

What If This Stand-up Comedy Thing Fails? - Hey Onicia

Lead Image 2018





Going out several times a night, fighting stage fright, memorizing and repeating bits is not the life for every funny person. Here's my list of 21 career ideas for failed comedians.

Hey Onicia is a series where I tap into my type-A side and answer questions from my friends about this starving artist life. If you find this helpful, share with your twitter homies or thank me with ice cream. Want to chat or collaborate? Holla at me!
  1. Humour columnist. If your life filled with hilarious, true stories? Then, start dishing and make the world chuckle!
  2. Storyteller. Great at parties? Then this might be for you. You'll be on stage and you won't have to memorize (as much) because it's all true.
  3. Sitcom writer. Doing stand-up is a great way to develop your writer's or fictional character's point of view (POV). Instead of touring and slinging jokes in bars, you'll collaborate with writers to create the next hit sitcom.
  4. Advice columnist. The queries don't have to be real and you don't have to be yourself; you can put on a character.
  5. Satire news show writer. Think a la The Onion or something you produce independently.
  6. Teach stand-up comedy. Hey! Those who can't do, teach!
  7. Clown. Take your physical comedy to the next level.
  8. Creative agency staffer. Combine your comedic sensibilities with brand storytelling and you could be a major asset to the advertising word.
  9. Online content creator. Be funny on your time and never repeat yourself. Think YouTube or digital media companies like Buzzfeed.
  10. Greeting card writer. Many people buy greeting cards because they don't have the words. Bonus points if you can make moments like death, divorce, and illness lighter.
  11. Hospice caretaker. What can I say? Dying people need to laugh too.
  12. Cartoonist. Find you an illustrator and you could create the next Garfield.
  13. Podcast or radio host. It's not exactly stand up, but you'll get to showcase your personality. Best of all, dressing up is not required.
  14. Public speaking coach. Being funny is always a great way to break the ice and make friends. You should teach people how to be more personable and master public speaking.
  15. On-camera host. Maybe you want more glitz in your life.
  16. Commentator. Is your adlib game strong? Can you improve and have wicked wordplay? Then find a sport or live event and give the people a hilarious play-by-play.
  17. Tour guide. Please elevate the industry and combine those fun facts with non-cheesy jokes.
  18. Teacher! Think outside of comedy. We need educators who make learning fun. So if ya love the kids and imparting knowledge try your hand at shaping the next generation.
  19. Master of Ceremony (MC). You too can be one of those people who make a living by making people comfortable at events.
  20. (Comedic) actor. You got funny friends who write scripts? Offer to be their talent. With any luck, you'll get to be one of those annoying famous people who basically play themselves in every project.
  21. Blogger. When all else fails, you could combine all of these 'jobs' and create content on your own platform.

What do you think? Tweet me questions using #HeyOnicia
I'm a creative with type-A tendencies who tried working in a call center but realized I'd rather help creatives get organized. I'm pimping out all my marketable skills to fund my art and ice cream habit.
Want more tips for being a creative professional? SubscribeFREE RESOURCESBuy me ice cream. Share.

Popular posts from this blog

True Stories and Faithful Friends - Onicia Updates - August 2018

Aight, so what have I been up to? Oh you know, just the usual: slapping words together and creating dope art with cool people. Last month we filmed my episode of Pre-Existing. I'm so thankful that Lissette was there to direct. Lissette works well under pressure and she's was so amazing and reading my mood and redirecting my energy. Bruh, with friends like these.
I also said goodbye to a dear Chicago friend. This month's ENTIRE Fangirlin' section is dedicated the talented Ms. Candice Lola <3


Shout out my fabulous collaborators: David Audino (executive producer/cinematographer), Lissette Hall (producer/director/cheerleader), Sandy Lee (actor), Sonal Aggarwal (actor), Greg Callozzo (actor), Kyle Hendrix (production assistant), Ashley Connell (on-set producer), and Nick Torres (production assitant/cheerleader).
That's all I gotta say today. Got something I should see or someone I should collaborate with? Email me or shout at me on Twitter. Upcoming EventsThe Kates …

Unashamed Fangirl - Onicia Updates - October 2018

Newsletters don't always have to be exclusively about me. October is dedicated to Shouting out friends and their new projects. That's all I gotta say today. Got something I should see or someone I should collaborate with? Email me or shout at me on Twitter.
Fangirlin' Just a few of my friends who create dope ish.

Spicy Chicken Sandwich - Monthly Comedy Show
October 18 (and Every third Thursday) at Under the Gun Theater at 8 PM. Tickets: $5
A very weird, very cool monthly comedy/variety show featuring stand-up, sketches, characters, multimedia presentations, and more! Every show features a new spicy chicken from a local restaurant, for no reason at all. Produced by Robert Flanagan, Chad Weaver, Lucia Whalen, Lily Schulder, and Lyn-Z Harney.

Men who break their own hearts (Candice Lola)
Excuse me, kind miss, but may I lean on you for the payment of my company on your walk?
And because she was taught to be gracious, she allowed it. They walked along the path, making small talk a…

Balancing Quality and Quantity - Onicia Updates - January 2019

Welcome to 2019. I'm finally getting around to publishing this newsletter on the last day of January; talk about cutting it close. I'm slooowly coming to terms with the idea that 2019 should be about quality, not quantity.

In a world where everyone seems to be pumping out content every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, not following suit feel like I'm not a serious artist. The truth is, I don't like noise. I don't like popping up in your inbox just because it's a new month. I don't like having a noisy Twitter crammed with self-promotional tweets. Yes, we need to let the world know that our proverbial tree fell in the woods but it's also cool to be quiet. There's a season for everything and this is my season to work on some larger projects.

That said, don't count on having monthly updates this year. Do count on me to support your creative ventures. Holla at me if you want to collaborate. Holla at me if you need a retweet and possibly a donation for…