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Marriage and Murder [VIDEO]
I read a headline: “I want to break up with my boyfriend, but we’re self-isolating together.” Wow. I get that marriage and dating can be tough, but I can’t relate to people who claim to be ‘stuck’ in a relationship. Is your partner holding a gun to your head? I had a friend whose partner […]
Was the IT guy trying to break the world record for longest small talk session? Well, I had important scumbag temp employee things to do like admire my cute hair in the mirror and drink all the free hot chocolate. Most importantly, I had to complete twenty-five of hopefully one hundred squats before the morning’s […]
Tourists who squeeze they entire posse in we tiny pay bus does burn me. Hello, vacation is to spend money. “WhEn Is ThE BuS cOmInG?” When your rental coming?! Yuh cheap vacation booking, no budget having, bad tipping modda–
What if my friends died and their child showed up on my doorstep in a basket on a rainy night? Just a full-grown sixteen-year-old. In a basket. In the rain. Because that’s how orphans are delivered.
After almost a year of writing, Maya Montrell and I submitted Counting on Kendra to Sundance’s Episodic Lab. And, oh my word, we made it to the second round! We have to wait until August 12 (!!!) to know whether we’ve made it into the program. Fingers crossed!
We were going to see my professor’s play because I wanted to experience their writing skillz. Like, how dare they take thousands of my dollars and judge my writing when they low key ain’t all that good?
He interrupted my standard declination. “I’m sorry. I meant. Can you change this money?” I looked up and WOW this black man had the most spectacular blue eyes. Just imagine Jeremy ‘Prison Bae’ Meeks approaching you in real freaking life!
The breakfast burglar struck again! I was enraged imagining them stumbling into the hostel after a night of misdeeds and slinked into the kitchen where they laughed at my sign while eating my yoghurt.
In kindergarten, picking birthday helpers was like NFL players deciding which thots to smash in the orgy after a night of clubbing.
Those girls wanting to “help” distribute my birthday treats were aggressive like strippers upselling patrons to the champaign room.