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What If This Stand-up Comedy Thing Fails? - Hey Onicia

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Going out several times a night, fighting stage fright, memorizing and repeating bits is not the life for every funny person. Here's my list of 21 career ideas for failed comedians.

Hey Onicia is a series where I tap into my type-A side and answer questions from my friends about this starving artist life. If you find this helpful, share with your twitter homies or thank me with ice cream. Want to chat or collaborate? Holla at me!
  1. Humour columnist. If your life filled with hilarious, true stories? Then, start dishing and make the world chuckle!
  2. Storyteller. Great at parties? Then this might be for you. You'll be on stage and you won't have to memorize (as much) because it's all true.
  3. Sitcom writer. Doing stand-up is a great way to develop your writer's or fictional character's point of view (POV). Instead of touring and slinging jokes in bars, you'll collaborate with writers to create the next hit sitcom.
  4. Advice columnist. The queries don't have to be real and you don't have to be yourself; you can put on a character.
  5. Satire news show writer. Think a la The Onion or something you produce independently.
  6. Teach stand-up comedy. Hey! Those who can't do, teach!
  7. Clown. Take your physical comedy to the next level.
  8. Creative agency staffer. Combine your comedic sensibilities with brand storytelling and you could be a major asset to the advertising word.
  9. Online content creator. Be funny on your time and never repeat yourself. Think YouTube or digital media companies like Buzzfeed.
  10. Greeting card writer. Many people buy greeting cards because they don't have the words. Bonus points if you can make moments like death, divorce, and illness lighter.
  11. Hospice caretaker. What can I say? Dying people need to laugh too.
  12. Cartoonist. Find you an illustrator and you could create the next Garfield.
  13. Podcast or radio host. It's not exactly stand up, but you'll get to showcase your personality. Best of all, dressing up is not required.
  14. Public speaking coach. Being funny is always a great way to break the ice and make friends. You should teach people how to be more personable and master public speaking.
  15. On-camera host. Maybe you want more glitz in your life.
  16. Commentator. Is your adlib game strong? Can you improve and have wicked wordplay? Then find a sport or live event and give the people a hilarious play-by-play.
  17. Tour guide. Please elevate the industry and combine those fun facts with non-cheesy jokes.
  18. Teacher! Think outside of comedy. We need educators who make learning fun. So if ya love the kids and imparting knowledge try your hand at shaping the next generation.
  19. Master of Ceremony (MC). You too can be one of those people who make a living by making people comfortable at events.
  20. (Comedic) actor. You got funny friends who write scripts? Offer to be their talent. With any luck, you'll get to be one of those annoying famous people who basically play themselves in every project.
  21. Blogger. When all else fails, you could combine all of these 'jobs' and create content on your own platform.

What do you think? Tweet me questions using #HeyOnicia
I'm a creative with type-A tendencies who tried working in a call center but realized I'd rather help creatives get organized. I'm pimping out all my marketable skills to fund my art and ice cream habit.
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