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Just Being Funny

Me? Stuck in a relationship? Neva dat! — Just Being Funny

I read a headline: “I want to break up with my boyfriend, but we’re self-isolating together.” Wow. I get that marriage and dating can be tough, but I can’t relate to people who claim to be ‘stuck’ in a relationship. Is your partner holding a gun to your head? I had a friend whose partner […]

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Just Being Funny

Butcher my name and I’ll butcher your face — Just Being Funny

Was the IT guy trying to break the world record for longest small talk session? Well, I had important scumbag temp employee things to do like admire my cute hair in the mirror and drink all the free hot chocolate. Most importantly, I had to complete twenty-five of hopefully one hundred squats before the morning’s […]

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Just Being Funny

Two locos, a pay bus, and a gospel music battle – Just Being Funny

Tourists who squeeze they entire posse in we tiny pay bus does burn me. Hello, vacation is to spend money. “WhEn Is ThE BuS cOmInG?” When your rental coming?! Yuh cheap vacation booking, no budget having, bad tipping modda–

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Just Being Funny

I blocked my child on Facebook, you should too – Just Being Funny

What if my friends died and their child showed up on my doorstep in a basket on a rainy night? Just a full-grown sixteen-year-old. In a basket. In the rain. Because that’s how orphans are delivered.

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Just Being Funny

I swallowed puke during my worst theatre experience – Just Being Funny

We were going to see my professor’s play because I wanted to experience their writing skillz. Like, how dare they take thousands of my dollars and judge my writing when they low key ain’t all that good?

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Just Being Funny

Prison Bae stole my money because duh! – Just Being Funny

He interrupted my standard declination. “I’m sorry. I meant. Can you change this money?” I looked up and WOW this black man had the most spectacular blue eyes. Just imagine Jeremy ‘Prison Bae’ Meeks approaching you in real freaking life!

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Just Being Funny

Nah fam, I ain’t going to jail over some yoghurt- Just Being Funny

The breakfast burglar struck again! I was enraged imagining them stumbling into the hostel after a night of misdeeds and slinked into the kitchen where they laughed at my sign while eating my yoghurt.

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Just Being Funny

Dem mange mermaids steal me birthday cake! – Just Being Funny

In kindergarten, picking birthday helpers was like NFL players deciding which thots to smash in the orgy after a night of clubbing.

Those girls wanting to “help” distribute my birthday treats were aggressive like strippers upselling patrons to the champaign room.

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Just Being Funny

Wait four months for a hug? Next customer! – Just Being Funny

My super conservative boyfriend pulled out a book about intimacy levels and Christian dating. Great, I love a man with a godly plan. Truthfully, I was not conservative in my corazón and didn’t want to be celibate in my cooch.

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Just Being Funny

Me fail French? That’s unpossible – Just Being Funny

Expecting an extension, I lied about my French homework being on a thumb drive. Instead, my teacher said she’d wait while I printed it. Why are teachers so annoying? Just play along with the lie, gosh man.