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Just Being Funny

My pastor taught me to dutty wine—Just Being Funny

It was the annual youth revival when good ole Pastor Clive Dottin put me on to the ‘dutty wine,’ now a classic piece of modern Caribbean poetry and choreography. The news, teachers, and preachers think that they be preventing wotlessness, but honestly, 80% of the wild things I googled as a teen were first introduced […]

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Just Being Funny

Hi-tech cheating attempt goes wrong—Just Being Funny

Y’all know I love a good scam. This one minute and fifty-six-second news clip about two high schoolers living in India who found a creative way to cheat was so delicious, I had to share with y’all. Apparently, two engineering students used an invention to cheat for social science, economics, and engineering. They managed to […]

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Just Being Funny

Jessica Krug vs Onicia Pope, Political Fixer—Just Being Funny

It was a regular day in quarantine when the former professor of African history Jessica Krug entered the offices of Onicia Pope, Caribbean political fixer. Krug: Do you…Do you recognize me? Onicia: Jessica Krug a.k.a. Jess La Bombalera a.k.a. Rachel Dolezal 2.0? Of course, I recognize you and your poorly dyed, crispy ends. Don’t tell […]

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Just Being Funny

Fatal affairs and tebbe lovers—Just Being Funny

Is losing your partner to cheating really that serious? To me it can’t be because it’s not like you’ll be lonely, you have the person you were cheating with, no? Well, I must be alone in this thinking since movies like Fatal Affair (2020) and others claim that it is. So much of Fatal Affair […]

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Just Being Funny

Trying to be sexy with a baggy thong—Just Being Funny

While vacationing in Europe, my friend convinced me to buy a purple thong and bra set. Why? Because that’s what teenage girls do when set free in Europe without adult supervision. There it was, my first thong: lacy and purple. My buttcheeks were ready to gobble the string like royal floss. Get it, because purple […]

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Just Being Funny

Revoke my Black card, ‘Waiting to Exhale’ sucked—Just Being Funny

I finally watched Waiting to Exhale. Controversial thoughts in 3…2…1…That film was some Tyler Perry-levels of overly dramatic and corny shenanigans. Forest, I didn’t know you had it in you. Everything Angela Bassett’s character did would land you court-ordered domestic violence classes and probably even lose your kids—the very thing she was fighting for. I […]

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Just Being Funny

Princess and the Frog was a struggle—Just Being Funny

It’s been about 11 years since Disney’s Princess and the Frog was released and I’m still upset. No, not because the music was forgettable. No, not because the accents were all over the place. But because Prince Naveen was a broke boi and Tiana should have left him on read. Immigration status be damned. As […]

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Just Being Funny

Binging cocaine like McDonald’s—Just Being Funny

My coworker with a coke problem—look, if you like the booger sugar, you might catch these jokes, but not judgement. Anyway, my coworker with a coke problem was like “Hey, Onicia. I’m going to visit your island and I kinda, you know, [snort] I kind wanna party a little bit. Hook me up with the […]

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Just Being Funny

Strangled by my panties—Just Being Funny

Ever notice that people aren’t what they appear to be? Teachers are dungeon masters, fitness instructors are murderers, and politicians—well, we been knew they are liars and thieves. Me? Well, teenage me wasn’t what she appeared to be. To my peers, I was a grungy girl who wore unironed, oversized clothing that made them question […]

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Just Being Funny

Why micro-cheating is the ultimate #WasteMyTime—Just Being Funny

According to HelloGiggles, a women’s lifestyle blog, a new type of cheating has been established called micro-cheating. I immediately rolled my eyes. Like, what is that? Cheating but with just the tip of your penis? Was micro-cheating like cheating but only butt stuff? You know what they say, you’re still a virgin if you only […]