It was a regular day in quarantine when the former professor of African history Jessica Krug entered the offices of Onicia Pope, Caribbean political fixer. Krug: Do you…Do you recognize me? Onicia: Jessica Krug a.k.a. Jess La Bombalera a.k.a. Rachel Dolezal 2.0? Of course, I recognize you and your poorly dyed, crispy ends. Don’t tell […]
Is losing your partner to cheating really that serious? To me it can’t be because it’s not like you’ll be lonely, you have the person you were cheating with, no? Well, I must be alone in this thinking since movies like Fatal Affair (2020) and others claim that it is. So much of Fatal Affair […]
While vacationing in Europe, my friend convinced me to buy a purple thong and bra set. Why? Because that’s what teenage girls do when set free in Europe without adult supervision. There it was, my first thong: lacy and purple. My buttcheeks were ready to gobble the string like royal floss. Get it, because purple […]
I finally watched Waiting to Exhale. Controversial thoughts in 3…2…1…That film was some Tyler Perry-levels of overly dramatic and corny shenanigans. Forest, I didn’t know you had it in you. Everything Angela Bassett’s character did would land you court-ordered domestic violence classes and probably even lose your kids—the very thing she was fighting for. I […]
It’s been about 11 years since Disney’s Princess and the Frog was released and I’m still upset. No, not because the music was forgettable. No, not because the accents were all over the place. But because Prince Naveen was a broke boi and Tiana should have left him on read. Immigration status be damned. As […]
My coworker with a coke problem—look, if you like the booger sugar, you might catch these jokes, but not judgement. Anyway, my coworker with a coke problem was like “Hey, Onicia. I’m going to visit your island and I kinda, you know, [snort] I kind wanna party a little bit. Hook me up with the […]
Ever notice that people aren’t what they appear to be? Teachers are dungeon masters, fitness instructors are murderers, and politicians—well, we been knew they are liars and thieves. Me? Well, teenage me wasn’t what she appeared to be. To my peers, I was a grungy girl who wore unironed, oversized clothing that made them question […]
According to HelloGiggles, a women’s lifestyle blog, a new type of cheating has been established called micro-cheating. I immediately rolled my eyes. Like, what is that? Cheating but with just the tip of your penis? Was micro-cheating like cheating but only butt stuff? You know what they say, you’re still a virgin if you only […]
Self-made millionaire Ramit Sethi says the one mistake to avoid when job hunting during the pandemic is to change your mindset from ‘job seeker’ to ‘top performer’. Imagine if a shift in mindset was all you needed to get a job in this day and age. Not hard skills, work experience, or network contacts. Nah, […]
It was a dark and rainy night when Bahamian Prime Minister Dr. Hubert Minnis entered the offices of Onicia Pope, Caribbean political fixer. MINNIS: As you might have read, Hurricane Dorian hit the Bahamas pretty badly. ONICIA: I did. And? MINNIS: I needed to rebuild quickly, smartly and with resilience, so I hosted the Hurricane […]