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Just Being Funny

Why job hunting is a scam—Just Being Funny

Self-made millionaire Ramit Sethi says the one mistake to avoid when job hunting during the pandemic is to change your mindset from ‘job seeker’ to ‘top performer’. Imagine if a shift in mindset was all you needed to get a job in this day and age. Not hard skills, work experience, or network contacts. Nah, […]

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Just Being Funny

The Prime Minister vs. Onicia Pope, Political Fixer—Just Being Funny

It was a dark and rainy night when Bahamian Prime Minister Dr. Hubert Minnis entered the offices of Onicia Pope, Caribbean political fixer. MINNIS: As you might have read, Hurricane Dorian hit the Bahamas pretty badly. ONICIA: I did. And? MINNIS: I needed to rebuild quickly, smartly and with resilience, so I hosted the Hurricane […]

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Just Being Funny

Some men wear thongs, respect that—Just Being Funny

Why aren’t men’s bathrooms 100% stalls? Like, what is the urinal? Compared to toilets, urinals don’t increase the capacity of the bathroom. What is the cost of dropping some partitions and giving men a lil backdrop? Don’t it get a lil draftee for y’all? I just don’t understand. Well, one night I woke up and […]

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Just Being Funny

Sleeping with my high school bully—Just Being Funny

“I ran into my high school bully and had sex with them. Then, I didn’t call them again as revenge.” That’s it. That was the tweet. Whether it’s real or not, I have a few thoughts. First of all, sleeping with your high school bully just to prove you’re sexier than them is like paying […]

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Just Being Funny

Is 5LINX a scam? — Just Being Funny

By Caribbean Comedian Onicia Muller When I was a teenager, I was dragged to a 5LINX business opportunity presentation. It was the early 2000s and they were promoting their new VOIP phone calling system. Here’s how I remember the question and answer segment going. *smirks in snot-nosed teenager* 5LINX: Yes, a question from the youth. […]

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Just Being Funny

Photoshopping my homework failed big time — Just Being Funny

By Caribbean Comedian Onicia Muller We were preparing a presentation about attending a TV show taping. In the middle of putting together the slides, two friends asked to join our group because they forgot about the assignment. Immediately, I was like “of course, no homie left behind”. Why not? All we had to do was […]

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Just Being Funny

Stumbling into the weird part of YouTube — Just Being Funny

By Caribbean Comedian Onicia Muller Ever stumbled into the weird part of YouTube? No, not the ultra HD pimple-popping sessions, or the under-aged kids doing sexually suggestive ASMR, or the literal insect cage fights. I’m talking about baby massages. Yup, I was on Al Gore’s Internet™ minding other people’s business when I learned that there […]

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Just Being Funny

Falling for a homeless guy’s pick up line — Just Being Funny

I was standing on a street corner tanning— because that’s how I like to spend my lunch break as a dark-skinned black woman—when this guy decides to hit on me. His opening line: “Hi, you’re beautiful. What’s your name?” I know what you’re thinking, “Aw, that’s nice and respectful.” Wrong! My guy was unwashed and […]

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Just Being Funny

A sketchy dinner date with a broke sugar daddy—Just Being Funny

My wallet was stolen hours after I’d withdrawn thousands of Pesos from my bank account. We had just enough to cover our hostel costs until our trip was over. We needed money, and we needed it— Knock. Knock. Yuck, it was that toad-face, middle-aged guy who kept asking us out. ¡¡Lightbulb!! Talk about knock and […]

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Just Being Funny

Mr. Greedy ate my regurgitated steak—Just Being Funny

Bullfighting is like a local gang challenging you to a one-on-one fistfight, but when you show up, they got a big ole knife and a clownin’ homie for backup. After witnessing the absolutely appalling murder of innocent bulls, I vowed never to eat steak that I knew personally. The murder? Horrific. The steak? Terrific! Before […]