What if my friends died and their child showed up on my doorstep in a basket on a rainy night? Just a full-grown sixteen-year-old. In a basket. In the rain. Because that’s how orphans are delivered.
After almost a year of writing, Maya Montrell and I submitted Counting on Kendra to Sundance’s Episodic Lab. And, oh my word, we made it to the second round! We have to wait until August 12 (!!!) to know whether we’ve made it into the program. Fingers crossed!
We were going to see my professor’s play because I wanted to experience their writing skillz. Like, how dare they take thousands of my dollars and judge my writing when they low key ain’t all that good?
He interrupted my standard declination. “I’m sorry. I meant. Can you change this money?” I looked up and WOW this black man had the most spectacular blue eyes. Just imagine Jeremy ‘Prison Bae’ Meeks approaching you in real freaking life!
The breakfast burglar struck again! I was enraged imagining them stumbling into the hostel after a night of misdeeds and slinked into the kitchen where they laughed at my sign while eating my yoghurt.
In kindergarten, picking birthday helpers was like NFL players deciding which thots to smash in the orgy after a night of clubbing.
Those girls wanting to “help” distribute my birthday treats were aggressive like strippers upselling patrons to the champaign room.
Last year I sold eight cards to American Greetings. Since then, many of you have asked when my funny greeting cards will be available for purchase. Well, I contacted American Greetings’ Creative Team and basically it takes years before card ideas hit the shelves.
My super conservative boyfriend pulled out a book about intimacy levels and Christian dating. Great, I love a man with a godly plan. Truthfully, I was not conservative in my corazón and didn’t want to be celibate in my cooch.
Wuz gud, homie? I’m twenty years late but I need to get this off my chest. Waiting to Exhale sucked. It sucked so bad I need to tell the world even if it gets my Black card revoked. Chicago Public Schools are closed but the kids are still getting homework assignments via email. Sucks that […]
Did a big chop and now I’m feeling like a big shot. Let me introduce you to my drag king alterego, OniciO. Yeah, double capital O ’cause I’m all about dem boobies.