Categories
Just Being Funny

Mr. Greedy ate my regurgitated steak—Just Being Funny

Bullfighting is like a local gang challenging you to a one-on-one fistfight, but when you show up, they got a big ole knife and a clownin’ homie for backup. After witnessing the absolutely appalling murder of innocent bulls, I vowed never to eat steak that I knew personally. The murder? Horrific. The steak? Terrific! Before […]

Categories
Just Being Funny

I took it like a woman and almost lost my hair—Just Being Funny

I needed a relaxer. My roots were grown out, and I had a special event at 7 PM. Although my mom had given me a hundred, I was determined to only spend fifty. So, I rolled up to my semi-regular stylists and put in my request. Question: Why do hairstylists always try to trash the […]

Categories
Comedy

An OkCupid Love Story [VIDEO]

Categories
Just Being Funny

When reading lady porn goes wrong —Just Being Funny

Want to know a deep dark secret? I used to be hooked on smutty romance novels. I know. I KNOW! The worst thing about romance novels—besides the writing—is the covers. O. M. G. Dear book cover designers: If we, romance readers, needed visuals we would watch porn. Periodt. Putting saucy images on a romance novel […]

Categories
Just Being Funny

I won the dumbest lawsuit ever —Just Being Funny

Am I the only person who regularly checks their spam folder? Sure, my spam folder is mostly fake princes, MLM scams, and lenders trying to bully me into repaying my student loans. What? That last one isn’t spamming and I should take it seriously? Name one person you know who has paid off their student […]

Categories
Just Being Funny

You’ve been struck by a sleepy criminal — Just Being Funny

I’m in bed when I hear my roommate walk from her bedroom to the kitchen. Now I can’t sleep because I’m wondering what she’s up to at three in the morning. She’s the type of person to “mop” the entire kitchen floor with half a roll of triple-ply napkins instead of using well… a mop. […]

Categories
News Onicia Updates

JBF is syndicated! – Onicia Update

I finally achieved my big goal for 2020: Just Being Funny is syndicated and now reaching thousands of readers! Sadly the world is on fire, and I’m not really in a celebratory mood.  As a public figure of sorts, I guess I should make a statement. Black Lives Matter. That’s it. That’s the statement. Here […]

Categories
Just Being Funny

Authentic cultural experience, my butt — Just Being Funny

Enjoying a three-course restaurant meal is nice. Not just appetizer, entree, dessert. I’m talking about a curated meal and full cultural experience; entree, side dishes, chopping of the hand for skipping the bill. You know, a full cultural experience. We’re at this authentic Pakistani restaurant where people eat with their hands. The food was so […]

Categories
Comedy

Marriage and Murder [VIDEO]

Did you know that being married statistically increases your odds of waking up next to a dead person?bookings[at]oniciamuller[dot]com

Categories
Just Being Funny

Me? Stuck in a relationship? Neva dat! — Just Being Funny

I read a headline: “I want to break up with my boyfriend, but we’re self-isolating together.” Wow. I get that marriage and dating can be tough, but I can’t relate to people who claim to be ‘stuck’ in a relationship. Is your partner holding a gun to your head? I had a friend whose partner […]